I have now lived away from my parents for almost two years. When I was at home I never worried about anything close to what I worry about not. I didn't have any bills to pay nor did I worry much about my future. Now, I pay for almost all expenses outside of school and I worry intensely about my future. I have to do my own laundry and no one tells me to clean my room. Finding a place to live next year was a completely new experience for me as was opening a retirement plan. Overall I miss being a child and having everything taken care of for me. However, the experience of transitioning to adulthood has been good for me.
Not only have I learned how to manage my money, but I have also learned time management skills and responsibility. I finally get to be the boss of myself and run my life. Having this freedom is exhilarating and, at the same time, stressful. If I do not get something done, I only have myself to blame. I must be on top of things and find ways to motivate myself to get done what needs to be done.
One of the hardest lessons I have learned in the past two years is that life isn't fair. You won't always get what you want or even what you deserve. There will be times when you try your hardest in a class and still get a C (Organic Chemistry). Often there will be situations when you want something someone who doesn't deserve it gets it instead. The sooner one can come to terms with the fact that life is going to include a lot of suffering, the sooner one can let it go and be happy.
Happiness has always been my goal in life. I don't care about the money, only that I have enough to support myself. I truly want to do something that is meaningful and fulfilling to myself. Finding that thing that is both supporting and fulfilling is hard and even, at times, discouraging. To this day, I do not know what it is I want to do. I am traveling down a path now, but how am I to know if it is the right one or not? The answer to this question, I have learned, is that no one knows. All you can do is follow your heart and pray for the best. In the end, everything tends to work out all right.
I do love my life even in the times when I am brought to tears trying to figure out what my next step should be. What brings me back to a place of peace is taking a deep breath, walking outside, and looking at the world around me. We are so lucky to live in such a beautiful world filled with beautiful people. We are even luckier to live where we do, in safety and comfort. Remembering that I am as lucky as I am to be attending a great university in a great country is usually enough to relieve all the tensions of adulthood that I have poured upon myself.
In all honesty Maddy, it is so impressive that you do so much all on your own. I have nothing but respect! The fact that you pay your own bills and have taken on all these responsibilities at once, especially during a time in your life (college) when you have to learn to juggle so many things, on top of being away from home, ON TOP OF schoolwork... I cannot even begin to imagine. As for finding your path, I think at this age, no one truly can know for sure what exactly they want to do for the rest of their lives. There are so many options, and we are asked at a young age to so quickly choose one. It will come to you soon enough. Until then, keep taking those deep breaths.
ReplyDeleteps I feel your pain with organic chemistry... :')
I'm pretty sure you perfectly described what all college student are feeling with this post. I for one, have had a hard time adjusting to all of the new responsibilities that come with living away from home (doing my own laundry is definitely the worst). You were so accurate when you said that anything that goes wrong is on you and no one else. Its remarkable to me how so many college students don't wither under this pressure, but thrive instead. Its possible this happens because we have no other choice if we want to be successful. Anyways, this post was insightful and I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteMaddy, I feel like I can identify with so much of what you wrote. I have learned so many lessons since coming to college, and a lot of them have been difficult to accept. Life offers us so many great opportunities, but sometimes we are required to overcome some challenging obstacles to reach them. Like you, I'm still not sure what I want to do. I want to do something I love, but I'm not really sure if anything I enjoy even leads to a career. I think financial security is important, but all the money in the world cannot buy happiness and fulfillment. You said it best, at times like these we just have to "pray for the best."
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine paying your own bills while trying to figure out college. Once I got to college, I started paying my credit card bills. I never realized how much things really add up. Sometimes life gets really overwhelming, and you have to take a step back and put everything in perspective (while eating ice cream, of course). It's admirable that you radiate positivity everytime I see you, no matter what you have going through your mind.
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